Love Casts out Fear, with Desmond Lomax
In our second video of "Where Peace Begins", Desmond Lomax shares a story from his family that taught him to never taken a day for granted, and to never wait to love others unconditionally.
Unlike a Rubik’s cube, life’s challenges are rarely solved in a clean, orderly way. In this video—“Love Casts out Fear”—Desmond Lomax shares a tragic story from his family that taught him that he shouldn’t wait until circumstances improve, injustices resolve, and proof arrives that he is “good enough” before loving others unconditionally.
Like Chad Ford in last week’s video, Desmond speaks to our deep-seated fear that we are inadequate and fail to live up to our ideals. When we try to hide from this fear, and attempt to cover it up to ourselves and others, we avoid connection and sometimes create conflict. When we accept the fact that we will never be perfect and choose to love anyway, we can make the most of each day and love with wide open hearts.
“When I’m loving unconditionally, I’m more resilient, I’m more open, my heart is more full, and my circumstances matter less.”
Note: this video contains discussion of suicide. Though the story shared is one of resilience and transformation, viewer discretion is advised.
Questions for Personal Reflection
As you watch this video, we invite you to set aside your phone, find a quiet space, and ponder the following questions that Desmond’s video prompted. You might journal or find someone to share your thoughts with. You can also respond in a comment below.
Desmond observes that we often fear we are inadequate or too flawed to let ourselves love others fully. Do you see this in yourself? Are there weaknesses or inadequacies that you assume make you incapable of love?
We often think “unconditional love” applies to how we treat other people; it also applies to how we think about ourselves. How does your heart respond as you imagine that you, right now, are worthy of unconditional love? How do the challenges in your life look differently?
Think of a current conflict in your life that involves another person. Do you have an expectation for the other person to change? What would happen if you dropped this expectation?
Where in your life are you “waiting” for a situation to change before you will allow yourself to love? What if you just decided to love, right now?
Desmond Lomax is a clinical mental health therapist who worked in the field of law enforcement and corrections for over 20 years. He retired from the Utah Department of Corrections where he worked as the community programming director. In early 2020, Desmond joined Arbinger Institute as a Senior Consultant and Facilitator. At the Utah Department of Corrections, Desmond worked to expand treatment resources for those on probation and parole throughout the State of Utah.
This video had a big impact on me. Desmond has a calming and joyful presence. There is so much more I need to learn about unconditional love. Thank you!
this is so beautiful. thank you